 Beyonce Departs To A Better Place Three weeks ago today my prized fighting dwarf Beyonce left this world for the next. I buried her in the Rose Gardens, as the thought of all those strange men bumming eachother over her dead corpse in the Rock Gardens made my skin crawl. The blood in her bedding made me suspect foul play. There were little tiny pin prick like dots of blood all over her bedding, and big thumb sized blobs, where she was curled up asleep. I think she was stabbed up by needles as she slept, probably when I was in the toilet, shower or kitchen, as that's the only time my door's unlocked.
 Terror Touchdown Portsmouth Firstly, before I go any further with the following rant, let me say that the police, local authorities, and national government, are collectively and solely responsible for every single one of the untold horrors that have been inflicted upon God knows how many toddlers in the facebook paedo sex ring that we're all rightly shocked and horrified by. Speaking as an attempted murder victim myself, on no less than two occasions, I can honestly say from experience that the police are beyond pathetic. As far as drawing a pay cheque is concerned, they're seriously offensive, and I'm genuinely surprised that they haven't pressed charges against the Little Ted's Tots themselves!
 Acceptable Living Standards In Portsmouth What the hell is that thing? And more importantly, what the fuck is it doing in my bedroom? I thought I was hallucinating at first, as a brightly coloured poisonous looking snake is the last thing you expect to see wiggling along your bedroom floor in a country as cold and rainy as England.
 Where Are The Aliens? They say life begins at forty, does that include alien life too? I've been checking it out on the internet, and here's what I've discovered...
 © Sean Copland 2009 The great thing about social bookmarking sites is they send out loads of free traffic, and unlike social networking sites, you can't catch herpes!
 Tony Blair: Jail Him Or Shoot Him? One more damage limitation exercise coming up!
 Sickness And Disease Or Just Plain Weakness Embarrassing moment of weakness for Obama, stalling for time as the Dow plunges during an awkward interview. I'm no expert, but I don't think he handled it very well. I know Putin does martial arts, so it wouldn't surprise me if he'd have snatched it clean out of the air with a pair of chopsticks.
They Think He's Got Herpes...  He Has Now! Surprising sting in the tail, or should that be bell end, for Ronaldo as he celebrates his record £80 million transfer to Real Madrid by spending the night with Paris Hilton in the states...
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