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Crucifixion Can Be A Painful Cross To Bear

Mel's Baby Reviewed: At Last!

I've finally managed to get my hands on a copy of "The Passion Of The Christ"

I gave up typing "passion of the christ" into Limewire when it kept coming up as taking literally months if not years to download, and I don't like buying tangible products off the internet, as they take days to turn up and you invariably end up with a "sorry we missed you" slip through your letterbox, so I ended up jumping on a bus to Waterlooville and grabbing a copy from Woolworths...

Not including the bus fare, and the overall inconveience of going there and coming back, it cost me £15. I'm not sure how much of that Mel gets, but if I was selling it on this site, I'd give him £5 per sale, £5 to the website that sent the sale, and I'd take the bandwidth cost of transfering it instantly from my server to your PC, along with my modest profit margin, out of the remaining £5.

The only problem is processing!

It would only be a matter of time before Icon threatened legal action and whatever processor I was using to take the actual sales caved in and terminated my account. They all turn gay as fuck whenever copyright infringement rears its ugly head, but at least if I found a processor that let me get on and do what I want, Icon would have to take me to court and explain just exactly why they're refusing to accept their share of the sales. It's not about money, despite the constant bleatings of the big record/movie companies on TV screaming that they're losing millions. It's about control...

The day people like me get to sell what they want on the internet is the day they lose the ability to rig the music/movie charts, simply by controlling what's available. I mentioned before that when I had to go to Commercial Road to get my Worldpay form stamped, I tried to buy a copy of Barbra Streisand's Movie Album in support of her speaking out against the tyranny of Bush, but it wasn't available. And like most people who go out to buy something that isn't available, I ended up buying stuff that was available instead!

Barbra said that she was going to publish a fans review of her album on her website. I wanted my review to be a fully working instant access e-commerce solution, so she could sell all her movies and CDs direct to her fans from her own website, in the same way I sell porn to people on my website. I wanted to do the same for George Michael too in return for his sterling performance as Britains chief celebrity Bush hater, and Michael Moore with Farenheit 911, but as I say, processing's the problem.

Anyway, on to the review of Mel Gibson's latest baby, "The Passion Of The Christ"

The film itself focuses on the actual crucifixion of Christ. It's very graphic, and very gory. You can actually see his ribs poking out through the ripped flesh, as they whip him relentlessly, prior to the crucifixion. It's certainly not for the squeamish, although the overall graphic nature of the film does lend itself to providing greater understanding of the actual suffering Jesus experienced at the hands of such barbaric savages.

There are a few points the film doesn't touch on, that I'd like to cover in this review, as to the reasonings of what happened, and why...

As far as the crucifixion is concerned. We see Jesus cry out the classic line "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" on the cross, but again, we're left with no explanation as to why this is so...

The fact is, God didn't forsake Jesus. His people did!

Pilate wanted to let him go, and so did Herod, but his people didn't. They were even given the option of freeing a prisoner, and they chose the murderer Barabas. Strange as it may sound, the crucifixion is good news...

It means God's a democrat!

You're perfectly free to reject God's candidate of choice. You won't get zapped by a lightning bolt if you do. Just don't expect him to do you any favours for the next two thousand years.

That's something that G Dubya and co. would do well to learn from in their dealings with the Iraqis and their continuous refusal to allow them their leaders of choice. And on the subject of Democrats, I noticed that Clinton made a humorous remark about wanting another four years, with regards his recent heart operation...

He can have a damn site more than four years. He can have a guaranteed seat in Heaven if he wants. All he has to do is renounce Tony Blair as paedophile anti-christ!

Watching those little Russian children running out of that school in their underwear reminded me very much of the plight of the British victims of the state run paedo sex rings in the UK. But for them of course, there are no brave Russian soldiers plotting their liberation. Just a bunch of Republican monsters plotting their continued subservience to the forces of darkness.

Finally, the last point I'd like to pick up on, is the resurrection. This is where Mel's film closes with Jesus simply standing up from the rock he was laid to rest on, gazing up to Heaven, and walking out of shot as the credits roll, which is a shame as the resurrection is the key to understanding the whole Jesus story.

Jesus did indeed rise from the dead, and the fact that he didn't stick around after having done so is the whole point of the story of Jesus. There was absolutely nothing stopping Jesus from going back to those that crucified him and saying "Check it out, you destroyed me, and now I'm back!" But he chose not to...


It's because they weren't worthy. That's why!

That's a lesson Jesus needed hammering home to him, as he constantly made excuses for the savages to God, and it's a lesson that was hammered home well as they nailed him to the cross.

Basically, the way it works is like this...

Religion is a lot like Star Trek!

You've got your original Star Trek with Captain Kirk playing the role of Moses, which is a bit like the Old Testament. Jews like that one. Then you've got your modern Star Trek with Captain Picard playing the role of Jesus, which is a bit like the New Testament. Christians like that one. And then you've got all of the Star Trek characters which are a lot like the characters of religion. I suppose Borf is playing the role of Mohammed, which makes Muslims a bit like the Clingons. A warrior race!

I've no doubt that at any given Star Trek convention, there'll always be lots of bitching and infighting about who the best Star Trek character really is, with the fans of each character fighting their corner religiously. But there's one thing that all true Star Trek fans can agree on. In the Star Trek Universe, Gene Rodenberry is their God. Likewise, in our universe, there's one thing that all true fans of religion can agree on, Christians, Jews, and Muslims all worship the same God.

If you were to be drawn into an argument with a trekkie about who the best character is, and you had some way of communicating with Gene Rodenberry and asking him for the definitive answer as to who is the best. The answer he'd give would be the same as the answer God would give if you asked him who the best religious character is...

"Which one do you prefer?"

The fact is, they're all perfectly valid characters, and it doesn't matter which one draws you into the fold, as they all bat for the same team. That's also how you can tell which religious types have been sent by God, and which haven't. If they start trying to create divisions between the religions, telling you they worship different god's, you should know that they themselves are the ones who worship a different god, and their god is not your God.

On that subject, I remember some time ago I followed a link from some site or other, and ended up on this page. At first I almost pissed myself laughing, and thought it was another excellent Landover Baptist site. But when I realised they were serious, I was horrified. Although, speaking of parody sites that turn out to be real, it must be noted that everything on this page is real. Jesus really does love you more than your parents...

And God loves you even more of course!

I asked before as to the correct pronounciation of the name Jesus for the people of that time and region, and Mel's decision to film the entire movie in an Aramaic/Latin Hebrew dialogue with English subtitles answers that question...

Apparently, the correct pronounciation of Jesus is "Yeshh-You-Are" pronounced rapidly as one word, "Yeshua"

That's Jesus done and dusted, but what about God?

I've done some research into the matter on the internet, and this is what I've discovered...

Somewhat confusingly, God's real name is "I am", that's what he told Moses when he asked what to say when everyone asked what his name was...

"Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, I AM has sent me to you"

From what I can gather, if you're ever lucky enough to meet God and you ask what his name is, he'll say "I am" but when you pronounce it you have to say "He is" to avoid any confusion (not to mention blasphemy).

I also did some more research on the internet to find out who the the Anti-Christ is, and amazingly I've discovered that it's none other than Britain's very own Prince Charles...



© Sean Copland 1995-2014
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