God Bless 5/11
Defining Moments In History!
My 5/11 got off to a flying start this year!
After many frantic visits to the cashpoint machine, wondering why my cash hadn't turned up over the weekend, I was told on the phone by those ever curteous humanitarians at the benefits agency that my sickness benefits had been suspended...
I had to walk up to Commercial Road and back twice before I got my crisis loan. Once to sign an agreement to pay it back at seven pounds a week, and once two hours later to pick the actual giro up which, at eighty eight pounds, was thirty pounds lighter than a regular giro to get me through the fortnight. Then I had to walk up to St. Mary's for my final blood tests, as I couldn't afford the bus fare.
I spent the afternoon playing 'Saint or Sinner' in the waiting area of the GU clinic...
It's a game I've become adept at playing in the six months worth of AIDS/Hepatitis tests I've had to undergo since I got stabbed. I look around the waiting area, and try and work out who's there because they're a victim, and who's there because they've done something shameful. Perhaps 'rape victim or slag' would be a better name for that particular game.
I'd like to thank Gail, or 'Jill' as she's known to the housing benefit (or should that be fraud) section of Portsmouth Council, for not only making the past six months worth of blood tests, not to mention the initial attack, possible for moving Paul back in after I'd thrown him out, but also for making the second knife attack possible. I'd also like to thank the paedo loving pigs of Portsmouth, in particular the cock sucking Desk Sergeant of Commercial Road who, not only refuse to remand violent knife wielding psycopaths in custody after they've attacked me, but also think that I should just 'grin and bear it' whenever someone pulls a knife on me in future.
And last, but by no means least, I'd like to thank Jennifer Lopez, and in particular, her now legendary diva tantrums, for inspiring me to have enough respect for myself to not only file the ill-fated police reports against those who've attacked me with knives, but also to file the compensation form at cica.gov.uk, which I posted on that momentous day in history 5/11/2007.
The following is a list of 'must have' accesories if you're planning on travelling to England, you probably won't hear about them in the tour guides, but nevertheless, it's your health that's at stake, not the people who got paid to write the tour guides, therefore it's worth taking note...
You'll need this to aneasthatise yourself if you're ever unfortunate enough to get jogged on by the friendly staff at the QA hospital after getting stabbed in the face. Drink plenty of it if you ever find yourself with a fractured cheekbone and british health care, then scrunch the bones in your face back together by clenching your teeth as hard as you can for three minutes. Repeat the process, until your teeth fit back together. If you're rich, replace the cider with vodka for less pain.
Post Exposure Prophylaxis Pills
Take your own PEP pack just in case you get stabbed, raped, or injured in any way that could cause infection. They're your last chance against AIDS and Hepatitis. You may get mugged off by people telling you that you don't need them. Or they may try and palm you off with the cheap and chirpy Viracept alternative which you should avoid like the plague because it's carcenogenic.
Hepatitis B Jabs
This is a three month course of jabs which you'll need to start at least twelve weeks before you come to England. Also, please bear in mind that according to the news ticker at the GU clinic in St Mary's, syphillis infections are up by 900% in the UK, so there's a good chance the people serving you in shops, bars and restaurants are infected. Always wash your hands thoroughly immediately after coming into contact with them, as there's no telling what manner of disease can be spread by people lacking in moral fibre.
You'll need a Bible to help you repent once you realise that all those holiday dollars you piled into the cash registers is ultimately funding not only the state run paedo sex rings of the UK, but also countless other human rights abuses of this God forsaken tyranny. A pumice stone is a useful addition to your holiday pack, as it will help you to scrub away the sin which will become ever more sickening in its stench until you learn to repent. Save your hard earned cash for those who speak out against tyranny.
It might be a good idea to bring your own dentist too!
© Sean Copland 1995-2014