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I Went To New Deal And Learnt How To Spell...

Cheap Shot!

I've been dragooned into Paedo Blair's diabolical YTS for the 21st Century, New Deal!

My New Deal adviser is a right little tyrant. Her name's Syama. I hate her. Signing on is like going to the dentist at the best of times, but with her, it's like getting your teeth extracted without any anaesthetic. Telling them it's not your cup of tea is a lot like Ulrika Johnson telling John Leslie she's got a headache. It's "irrelevant" as George Bush would say!

I wanted to do a Learn Direct course in C programming, but I'm not allowed...

"Warehouse Training Operative" is the best "Opportunity" they can offer a man of my abilities (apparently I'm too old for the music industry).

Some time back I saw on news item on Sky News about Blair's shitty New Deal. There was a hot bitch waiting to meet the nonce. She was on New Deal, and they best they could offer her was plumbing!

I wasn't sure if she really was a plumber at the time as she looked more like a model or an actress something. I thought she'd been 'brought in' to brighten the news up a bit as something easy on the eye. Tony Blair looked really nervous when he approached her. I became even more suspicious when I saw her immaculate fingernails (certainly not the fingernails of a plumber), and became more suspicious still when that particular news item, and with it that particular girl weren't shown on any of the other news networks.

But even so, assuming the news report wasn't rigged and she really was a plumber, the fact is turning round to a girl like that and saying "You look like you'd make a great plumber" is offensive to say the least. Maybe someone should have pointed out to her that she could make ten times a plumbers wage for a tenth of the effort running an internet porn site!

Youth Training Schemes, Employment Training, New Deal. It doesn't matter what they call their shitty courses, they're always the same...

The first time I was on a government training course to help "train me" (YTS - Portsmouth Beneficial Training Centre), I was made to clear a room full of asbestos with absolutely no protective equipment whatsoever. I complained about it at the time, but it's like a child in council care complaining about getting fucked up the arse by local politicians and policeman...

Ultimately futile!

I've no idea what kind of long term damage can be done by being covered from head to toe in asbestos dust without any breathing apparatus, but I do seem to be suffering from some form of "stubborn" chest infection which won't seem to go away. Obviously the chances of a filthy little peasant like me recieving any compensation for such horrendous "training" are exactly fuck all, but if it would help any compensation claim to go through, it was actually under a Tory government!

I had to go to a New Deal assessment at the end of last year, and they took us on a tour of the building where they teach people to spell...

"How do you spell cheap?" Enquired one of the tutors favoured spelling bees, The tutor dutifully spelled it out before turning to his helper and saying "Spell shot!" His helper spelled it out, and they both paused for a moment as they proudly looked around the room at their beseated students, bathing in all the glory that spelling "cheap shot" in a room full of illiterate people can give a man.

This was their report of me...

Sean would appear to be committed to his chosen career path. However it may well be that he needs to move down his expectations to some degree to achieve his ultimate job goals.

£200 per week are the Great Expectations he's talking about.

I had to do a stupid test to found out what kind of a person I am, and one of the questions said "I would like to earn a high wage", with the response boxes you had to tick ranging from "Disagree strongly" to "Agree strongly"

I didn't tick "Disagree strongly", which resulted in him tapping his pen over the question saying "That's what we need to work on with you." leading to the above quote in his "report", and a recommendation I go back for yet more shitty courses, the like of which serve only to boost the profits of the parasitic fucktards at Eastpoint Training, and where hopefully, after I've been processed, I'll remember to reply "Disagree strongly" whenever confronted with the question of whether or not I'd like to earn a high wage.

18/Jan/2004



© Sean Copland 1995-2014
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